Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Sappily remembering those slaps, albeit a little louder..

This blogger, though pretends to be completely lacking in exhibiting emotions (claiming stuff like his EQ ranges from 5.7 to 5.9), can occasionally go to much-dreaded extremes (which are better left to be explored and examined only by people like Miss Universe title winners, the Chopras, the Johars and our very own Cheran), but will invariably screw it up. This is one such disastrous act that reinstated the fact that, the most embarrassingly funny incidents often happen in real life rather than in fiction (unless written by someone of the order of Wodehouse).

It happened before one could take a little breath and verify the sanity of the proceedings. It all crumbled down in a moment - the pride that you sported on being an awfully good student, the token congratulations you received from many on topping one of those exams, the intimately cherished moments of admiration-meets-envy in the eyes of a girl deeply disturbed because of her exam results (you got to go back to the times when you were still wearing half-trousers to understand this), all of these and much more... - right in front of your eyes.

All was fine until today morning, when my sister happened to stumble on an old classmate of mine. About whom all I remember is that she tried awful hard to beat me in the acads back then and absolutely made no bones of it. In fact, back then, that’s the only thing we all did; envy the opposite sex and try to beat them at the academic levels. (Much later, when I stepped into the college, nobody had to try that awful hard to beat me, though; except for the ones who managed to get consistently less than 3 in one Ms. Thilagavathi’s papers in the cycle tests; I also realized that the fairer sex was left with a lot more interest, at least more than most of their mean counterparts, on the academic arena. Of course, I shrugged it off, as is my wont.)
Back to yesterday's story. My sister talked to her about some nice things which only women can think of; like where they can find the nearest library (to Tidel Park) to get a dignifying cookbook (influential characters: no offence meant; how about, say, Stephen Hawking’s Brief History of Time?). Then, they wound up with a token bye and stuff (got to ask if they even managed to hug each other and all). Not to forget that, in between this, she had also asked about me; about the American university in which I am cracking up all the semesters and giving nocturnal headaches to algorithmically challenged professors. Hmm, held in such esteem!
Through Google talk, the first thing my sister told me was of this chance meet; and in the true tradition of Cheran's film repertoire, I happened to reminisce all that happened during my entire school life (assuring myself that I didn't have a disturbed childhood after all) in a moment of flash. My sister is of the enthu-type when it comes to organizing group events like get-together etc. and perhaps, some fractional shades of it must have got stuck to me. I wistfully observed that we never had anything of the sort of a class get-together, and took it upon myself to indirectly instigate such an event.
All buckled up, I dug out a recent “big hi and how I miss you all” mail from a long-lost gossipy friend (one with a high aarva kolaru quotient, a reason why I wanted to contact him) sent to an incipient alumni group (consisting of pass-outs from all the batches) much to the chagrin of those touchy balding folks who hardly knew him. I intended to reply back to the mail (so that his mail id comes up directly in the to-address text box rather than I typing it) and ask about where and what the rest of our classmates are doing and perhaps suggest a get-together. I so-very-carefully pressed the “Reply to Sender” (having committed such grave mistakes before) button and wrote to him asking about the latest happenings. I off-handedly added a line after my name before signing off - a passing mention on a special treatment I got from my Physics sir during my higher secondary school education, an incident which this gossipy guy sadistically recalled every time we entered the physics lab.

yeah, the same one whom Saravanan Sir, quite infamously, slapped twice during his higher-secondary

Perhaps, I should reveal some key details in my defence - that though I was of 16-17 years old, I looked much younger and timid, gaunt and exceptionally intelligent (the man must have envied me for that), all of which must have given the man a curious lead. I had nursed this incident as a top secret all along. [1]
Back to present, I clicked on the send button and as the request was being sent to Yahoo, I noticed the goof-up in the to-bar and pressed the Esc key roughly 1237 times. No positive effect; if you wouldn’t count sending the mail twice as one, that is.
Now, not only my sister (which was quite a cause of concern), but the whole alumni junta, including the prettiest of the girls in my school - who though never ever drooled over me (Girish, updated so that you don't gasp on utter false interpretations), at least thought I was a nice (if not great) student who came out with flying colours in his life and all that - would have come to know of this unfortunate incident (through not one, but two back-to-back mails); that as much as I was cracking those maths papers on one end, I was being slapped tight and clear by that malicious man on the other end; hell, during the phase of ripe adolescence.
Whom should I blame? That jealous classmate, my sister, Google talk, the mushy-trip-down-the-memory-lane films that indirectly influence even the hardcore fans of David Lynch, or that bunch of idiotic folks who wrote Yahoo mail's javascript code in such a way that the group mail-id gets stuck to the to-address text-box how much ever hard the unsuspecting user so-very-carefully presses the “Reply to Sender” button?? Damn!

[1] - But, I should mention that I was stupefied once when a college friend, winking at me, asked about the slaps after having got to know about it in some crooked way, thanks to another sadistic school friend of mine, as I started wondering how many of them were involved in this conspiracy.


  1. ".. including the prettiest of the girls in my school - who even if not drooled over me, at least thought I was a nice (if not great) student .."

    *gasps aghast*
    *takes time to believe*
    ..what about R, RP? :)

  2. Girish,
    first of all, sincere apologies to have made u gasp and go aghast on utter falsities.
    Such a thing never happened. However, the key word "never" (which I so emphatically added while I first wrote this) somehow vanished from the final draft and the words ("even if not", my God!) suggested that some cases of drooling-things did occur. Though I must clarify now that it never did. Never ever.
    But hold on! That doesn't mean I was being puked upon all the time (which might mean that I had a disturbed childhood after all). Many did think I was a nice student (except for that Physics Sir, perhaps) and all... with due humility and such stuff.
    That's exactly what I meant from the lines you've quoted!

  3. .. and in all probability, the person u mentioned in ur comment must have thought I was a complete asshole. So, must have thought others. But, they all must have also thought that I was a nice student apart from being a complete (or in some cases, incomplete) asshole!

  4. My, my quite some emphasis on retaining a good impression ...on school- girlfriends if I may so put it. :) Well if its any comfort , I am sure all the girls in college would have thought most of you guys fundu... and none of us ever knew about the 3 in Thilagavathy ma'am's papers.
    and I guess its high time I asked who R,RP is...hey Girish!! clarification requested. :)

  5. I think there is too much obsession with academic excellence in your write up . Maybe you would like to take a look here- Make your passion your profession

  6. I thought you were a "chamathu paiyan" (Innocent lad) too.. but then, out came the words ;-)

    But I always felt you were too fundoo..

    BTW I would also love to know the RP connection

  7. mithra,
    exactly. Chamathu Paiyyan! Quite tragically, they get slapped too for their alleged misdemeanors (as late as in higher secondary :(), just because they looked like a kid.

    It's true that I haven't had the urge to retain any good impressions whatsoever since my beginning (since "the words started coming out"!), as part of the ethics I held high up in my life. So, let me confess that the feelings expressed in this post are quite fictitious. How else can I write such long posts??

  8. UH! Thats where Zero stands..he writes a post in which he projects as if he meant each and every word in it and at last he says "the feelings expressed in this post are quite fictitious"!! Woh! Keep that up.

  9. iblog, if I ever reveal whats R & RP, I will be the sole cause of 'beating to death' a man's already-loud-thudding heart!

    Maybe I can leave a clue - R is from our college and RP is the author himself!

  10. Is 'P' a Tamil word? I have a strong feeling that it is; and if it is, it does not take much effort to crack it :-)

    I have an inkling of idea based on the above premise who 'R' might be!!

  11. The author regretfully contemplates seeing the scandal over the 2-lettered acronym:-
    Oh God! Aren't all these people the same decent well-meaning folks whom I acquainted in my college days?
    Or, am I reaping quite heavily for all my yesteryear sins?

  12. I'm watching, mr. zero!

    Mithra, since this guy has virtually pleaded in cyberspace, I better keep mum (for now tsk..tsk). Poor guy is on the brink of a disaster, reliving a college misery that quite narrowly evaded him then!

    BTW, on the first thought, 'P' is a universal ablutionary term :D

  13. Hey R stands for the name of a girl who was in the music troupe and is a great singer and dancer and I think is from the same place as RP. :)
    Am I right ? Kudos to me for suddenly recalling :)

  14. yeah yeah, kudos to u and all that!

    But, for the sake of the little dignity that this blogger possesses, shall we all get a little subtler please? Or I will blurt it all loud like it happens in one of thos Edgar Allan Poe's short story about a dead old man with 2 gleamy eyes.

  15. Hey can always delete the previous comment by me..... if you want to :) looks like you don't want to :D. It is fun pulling your leg !!

  16. On general principle (this blog ain't worth that effort), Zero doesn't do nothing; and definitely nothing of the sort you kindly allowed me to do.

    But further Freudian analysis ("looks like you don't want to :D.") seems to point out some startling revelations in this case.